I am… {Melissa}

Welcome to Writing Me: Part III A community writing project  intended to inspire our creativity collectively and individually.

For the next few weeks we’re going to be writing through the I am Poem. We start this week with Melissa.

I am a mom, a wife, a writer, dreamer, a believer, ME.
I wonder everyday if I’m doing this life right. I wonder what tomorrow brings and who my children will grow to be. I wonder about them and I wonder about me.
I hear the silent rhythm of a house asleep. A stolen moment all for me. I wrap it around myself and hug it tight because it won’t last. It never lasts.
I see my words. They tip tap type across the page frantically sometimes trying to escapes the confines of my mind and find a life on paper before they get lost in the crevices of the mind.
I want to give the words a life, a home. I want to send them forth into the world and watch them evolve and change. Like my children are evolving and changing around me almost by the minute.
I am a mom, a wife, a writer, dreamer, a believer, ME

I pretend to have it all together. To do it all and with out steering the ship off course. I’m good at pretend.
I feel anxious and wobbly. It’s hard to keep the boat afloat when you shove all the things you don’t wnat others to notice down below the deck.
I touch everything. All day, touch, pick, do, move.
I worry that I am not doing this life right. That I am ruining my children or missing moments. I worry about the big and unimaginable and I worry about the worry.
I cry for lost days, lost lives, lost loves.
I am a mom, a wife, a writer, dreamer, a believer, ME

I understand that I am more than these words typed on a page as first thoughts come to mind.
I say I am a writer, a dreamer, but is that all part of the pretend?
I dream that I can make those words true, that I can step up to the top deck of the ship and steer the vessel without feeling wobbly.
I try to right the path everyday, with His guidance and love
I hope I am doing this life right because
I am a mom, a wife, a writer, dreamer, a believer, ME.
I am all these things, and more.

——

Melissa is mom to 3 kids (9mo-6yrs) and 1 angel. She used to dream of traveling the world, now she dreams of a clean kitchen. She writes about all the sticky bits of motherhood at Peanut Butter in my Hair, and hides from her children on Twitter (@PBinmyHair).