Writing Me…I Am {Sarah}

I am an observer of hearts.
I wonder how this became, how the task was granted, gifted.
I hear a declaration from my own lips: it is the same for all mothers. But it isn’t – can’t be.
I see differently than they, because these hearts come from within my own: a mirrored room of infinite reflected passages.
I want to feel the beat within each refracted tunnel, know the pulse of each intimate thought.
I am a spy of hearts.

I pretend to find this simple. Being entrusted with so much passion.
I feel skin of satin, hair of silk, tears of dew, fevers of time and growth and change.
I touch on each of their dreams. Try to understand or even anticipate what makes them thrive.
I worry that their doors will be closed to me.
I cry out to be admitted, fearing that they will go where I cannot follow, only stare after with longing emptiness.
I am a grower of hearts.

I understand the need for autonomy, I do.
I say it out loud: they are apart from me. I will watch, absorb, revel, and remember.
I dream in memories that will keep me from falling into the deepest of sleeps: forgetful.
I try to hold on: this is how their laughter feels in my blood. This, their need. This, their perfect, velvet edges.
I hope they’ll grow up to understand.
I am a keeper of hearts.

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3 responses to “Writing Me…I Am {Sarah}

  1. This is so lovely, Sarah. Somehow you’ve managed to capture motherhood, but still make it feel like it’s your particular brand. I love the repeated “I am a…of hearts,” especially the last.

  2. Thank you, Jade! I had so much trouble trying to do this prompt, initially. I kept trying to make it encompass my ENTIRE being, and it was quite impossible. So I honed in on one major aspect of me, and dove in. It’s definitely a brand unto itself, motherhood 🙂

    I’m glad you liked the ‘keeper of hearts’! That one phrase was actually what kicked off the whole flurry of my writing 🙂

  3. Yes, yes, yes! Oh Sarah!

    — “this is how their laughter feels in my blood” (Yes!)
    — “This, their perfect, velvet edges” (Absolutely!)

    I think you captured yourself as a mother beautifully here and, what’s more, you captured a slice of something bigger than yourself: something all mothers go through. It’s that lump under the surface, that something hard — and sharp and strong and solid — underneath all that softness, all that sweetness.

    I love this!

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